Kinda Like a Hippie

Finally! A day when I can just be myself.

Torment children

And hang out with friends.

A Desolate Beauty

Today The Boyfriend and I took a ride. It actually started yesterday at about 4:30 p.m. and ended today at about 3:00 p.m. (Okay, we stopped and slept, but we did go about 400 miles total.) As I have mentioned before The Boyfriend has cool toys and about every 6 months or so we get to enjoy one of them sans the Hippiekid. (We're usually a tightly packed trio.)

Because the bike is built for only two.

We got really lucky. The cold front is due tomorrow, bringing cooler temps, clouds and rain. Not today though.

The Devils River.

"You may all go to Hell, and I will go to Texas." -Davy Crockett

Notes from the field - again.

*** Notice: I have typed this twice and I can't get it to format the way I want. For some reason when I post it will not allow the double spacing to show up. I have no idea why. If anyone does, please tell me.***

I teach 7th grade. I have 110 students total. Every now and then I feel the need to show you what really goes on in middle school. You never really know what the day will hold. It can be interesting  and uplifting, exhausting and heart wrenching. These are papers I graded yesterday. I typed them here just like the kids wrote them, no cutting or correcting spelling or grammar. It was a short writing response to what we read in class. The prompt was "If you could change one thing about your life and do it differently, what would it be? How would you change it?"   

By posting these I will allow you to see what I see. I post them with respect and love for these kids. It is eye opening. There are lots of untold stories out there. Hang on to your heart.

I wish I could rewind the time I went crazy and berliy remember. I hit my mom she bled a lot. I love her so much. I would stop doing drugs and would of took my pills. And now I ended up inthe place I lest want to be.

-7th grade boy

One thing that I would take back and do differently in life is be nice to my stepdad. I would love to have my mom meet him and me be nice to him and he could take me places and do things with me and it would all be okay.

-7th grade girl

Wish I could have told my mom the truth and she wouldn't be dead. I should have told my dad no and then explane to my mom that I wanted to go with my dad, and that I didn't hate her it was because I got upset and mad but not that I hated her.

-7th grade girl

     The one thing I wish I could change is not cutting off my fingers. It really bothers me because I need them for a lot of things. Like volleyball, softball, and writing. I wish I could change it by going back and saying hey don't go on that gate. Don't be stupid like the other kids. But what do I do? I go on the gate. And look at me now. Fingerless!

     I would change it by going to the doctor. Asking if they could sew them on. Maybe if they did I wouldn't feel so out. But maybe when I get the money I can get it done. When I get older.

-7th grade girl

     The one thing that I wish I could change is my brother dieing. The way it happened is when my mom went to Mexico, she drank the water and in the water was a dease. When she drank it made her sick and when she got pregnant it made the baby sick, and the whole pregnancy she knew that he was going to die.

    His name was ___________. He was my only brother. He died minunts after he was born. I was 2 years old when he died. I miss him a lot because I never got to see him. And he would be 10 years old.

   The thing that I would wanted to change would be is that my mom did not go to Mexico and then he would not have died.

-7th grade girl

One time I was on the bus riding home and there was a kid I know on there I started calling him a name that he didn't like eventually everyone started  calling him that name. If I could go back and make a name he liked I wouldn't feel bad whe he getting made fun of.

-7th grade boy

     I would have spent more time with my greate grandpal before he died. Because I miss him and feel like I didn't know him very good. I also never got to say good bye.

     I would have spent more time with him. I would have gone to his house more often. I would have invited him to my house more often. I should have talked to him more. I also would have said good bye.

-7th grade boy

It would be when I broke into that house so I would not have to be on ProPition Because I do not like swimming up river or canuing I wouldent have a curfue and I could go hang out with friends more often and I would of never gone to Juve twise I would have more freedom and every body woudent thing I am a bad person.

-7th grade boy (who has repeated a couple of grades- he is 14)

     One thing in my life that I wish I could change is how I reacted to my friend E______ before his death.

     One of my friends last year comitte suicide. His name was E______. E_____ had always been funny, but last year around Christmas he started to change. He started cutting and I notice, but didn't say anything because I thought it was just a stage he was going threw. He always wore jackets in class so teachers didn't know. I don't know what got him so depressed, but what he did wasn't worth it. I think if I had said something he might be alive. I wish I knew what was wrong maybe I could have helped him. Maybe I couldn't have helped him and maybe I could. I wish I had tried.

-7th grade girl

    

Portraits in Plane

In which I show you the things I do to amuse myself and distract my brain from analyzing the whole concept of gravity and the defeat thereof.

Inside a Beechcraft Debonaire single engine 4 seat aircraft. Somewhere over South Texas enroute to South Padre Island, Labor Day weekend.

First though, the plane. Notice how it is small enough and light enough for one skinny boyfriend to pull it out of the hangar by himself. (you can click on the pics to enlarge) Instills a sense of security doesn't it? (Bwahaha)

Watching for other aircraft. Sometimes they are hard to see and it always makes me wonder how many I have missed. And how close were they anyway?

Checking water levels.

Pictures of the kid playing his electronic game.

Self portrait.

Looking longingly at airports where we are not landing.

Counting swimming pools.

Giving thanks for finally reaching our destination.

Exhaling.

The World's Most Embarrassing Outfit

Or, Why This Parenting Gig is Hard On My Self Esteem.

Last night I made my son cry. He cried big, sad tears. He looked at me with his precious little heartbroken face etched in angst. He may be scarred for life.

I am a horrible person. I had the nerve to do the unthinkable. I did not consult my 9 year old son before I dressed for a party. (At first, I too, thought it was unusual for him to be so interested in my apparel, and was already wondering if I should start making plans for a move to San Francisco. But read on.)

Here I stand wearing the offending garment. Shield your eyes and take small glances so as not to be damaged yourself.

We were invited to attend the joint birthday party of my friend and her husband who are both turning 40 and have birthdays relatively close together. It was a family type thing. The Boyfriend, the Hippiekid and I were all planning to attend together. A process that would appear to be fairly easily accomplished.

Unless you live in my house.

I am dressed and standing in my bathroom as my son rounds the corner.

"You're not wearing that are you?"

"Yes, I'm ready to go now."

"You're kidding, right?"

'Um, no, I'm dressed, I'm wearing this."

"You're kidding right? You're kidding."

"No, I'm not kidding. What is wrong?"

I believe this is when he started tearing up.

Said with an anquished tone, "It's so embarassing!" "It looks stupid. That doesn't look good at all. Look, you can see that." Then he grabs the side of my bra through my shirt.

And then I laughed.

"Hey, Boyfriend (one of the most conservative men on the planet), does this look okay to you?"

"Yeah, you look good."

"Noooooooo, she doesn't. She looks stupid. That's embarrassing."

Another picture to enlighten you.

Notice how offensive my shirt is. I am obviously a hideous, wretched whore of a mom. My bra is visible. My black, thick, no lace to it bra. My shirt is see through!!! Now, bear in mind that I often dress a little weird. But, this was an outdoor, nighttime, temp in the 80's get together. I was wearing a loose light top and black knee length dress shorts. I could have gotten a lot more out there!

So, Hippiekid exits the room and goes to his and begins calling me.

I go to his room. He is crying. Really crying. He was in his room because he did not want the Boyfriend to see him cry. He explained to me that I would embarrass him in front of all his friends. It looked horrible. It looked ugly and stupid. And so it went. Mostly I was laughing and/or trying not to.

But, then, it started to get to me. I started to think of myself and my role as a parent. What to do? Do I let my 9 year old son dictate how I live my life, down to what I choose to wear even? That doesn't seem right. Do I disregard his feelings and deliberately do something that he sincerely believes will embarrass him? Well, that doesn't seem right either.

Luckily The Boyfriend was there and we tried to talk him down.

It didn't work all that well.

"Okay, I'm just gonna jump out of the truck really fast when we get there and run and distract my friends and keep them from looking at you."

I wore the outfit. I am a fiend.

I finally came to the conclusion that there would be many days and times that I would embarrass him. Might as well start here.

I asked a couple of friends at the party about it and they said they didn't even notice. One said she did notice ... that it was an "adorable" outfit.

So we went to the party. He jumped out of the truck. He ran wild in the yard with all of the other kids. None of them pointed at me and laughed or ran in terror. I think we will be okay.

At the end of the night he said, "Did I really hurt your feelings Mom? I'm sorry. It's just it was hard to get used to at first."

I guess I better not bring out the fishnet stockings anytime soon.

Conversations with the kid (Where does he get this sarcastic streak?)

9/28

Hey buddy, go get my phone for me would ya please?

Uh, I’m enjoying a cold beverage here. (But he did go get my phone)

9/30

( As I'm fixing the dog’s food)

I hope I didn’t put too much of that bacon grease on here.

Will it make him sick?

No,not really. Might give him diarrhea though.

Oh, so I’m gonna have to scoop up diarrhea poop?

Well, maybe.

(to the dog as he takes the food out) Okay I want you to enjoy eating this. 'Cause then I get to scoop it up when it comes out.

9/30

Mom, what is that thing with the turkey people, where they get paid to make a baby for someone?

What???? What Turkey people?

You know, they want a baby, but they do it different. Do they use a part of a turkey, or what? Do they like, have sex? I was thinking that might be a kind of fun job.

Uh, do you mean like a surrogate mom? Have you heard something about a turkey baster? (notice that I did actually figure that out )

Yeah, that’s it? Is that like a turkey weenie? How does that work?

No, it’s like artificial insemination, like they do with cows and horses a lot, and they can do it with people. They take the sperm from the man and insert it into the woman with a syringe. So, they don’t actually have sex.

Ooooh. That doesn’t sound all that fun.

Where did you hear about this?

Zeke told me.

(Note to self: Call Zeke’s mom so she can laugh too-- and perhaps clear a few things up for him.)