Double Digits Dude!

Hippiekid is 10 today. We had the party and the whole shebang (yeah, I grew up in Oklahoma where we say things like that, try to live with it). Once again, his friends brought gifts to donate to the animal shelter. It is his birthday tradition I guess. I think this is the 5th year for it. I intend to just drive by and throw them out the window this year. We have enough pets of our own now (both aquired from this animal shelter).

I have a birhday tradition of my own, for his birthday. Since I was not the one actually birthing him 10 years ago I always think of his birthmother on this day and the days leading up to it. My feelings for her are so numerous and so intense and often confusing and conflicting. I love the son we have both created more than I could ever explain. He is so totally and completely my own perfect son, and yet he was hers first. It is a weird feeling. I have grown a son in my body and I have lost him to death, so I know first hand the feelings, both physical and emotional, involved. My tradition is that every year on his birthday I post a poem to his birthmother. I have posted to bulletin boards and other places in cyberland. Last year my blog was still pretty new and I posted it here for the first time. (I did not write it and I don't know who did. A friend sent it to me years ago.) Here it is again.

A BIRTHDAY

It's my child's birthday

He just went dashing by

His eyes are sparkling with the excitement meant only for today.

Presents, kisses, hugs, cake, ice cream

It all seems so natural.

It's a day of looking back and looking forward.

It's my child's birthday

But there is something different happening inside me.

This should be a day of complete joy

A day for Thanksgiving

But in the midst of all this excitement

I pause, because my thoughts are about someone else for a time.

It's my child's birthday

I have no memories of his life growing inside me

and fighting to be released.

Another someone was there

Another someone suffered for my joy.

It's my child's birthday

But someone, somewhere, is feeling emptiness inside.

I'm sure she is wondering

Who he looks like

If he is big or small.

Wondering if he laughs much.

It's my child's birthday

And in the midst of this blessed day that was given to me

I have a prayer...

Oh God, that I may never forget

that someone suffered so much to give life to my child.

That someone loved my child so very much

that she gave him the right to live.

May I never forget for a moment

and especially now, today, to offer a prayer of thanks

for that someone

and that you, dear God, will always be there for that someone to help her

through the hurts she will have

when she stops to think that today is "my child's birthday."

Thank you, whoever and wherever you are.

Comments

[Blog Antagonist]

What a beautiful tradition and a lovely poem. He's a lucky kid. Happy Birthday Hippie Kid!!

[mischief]

I loved this. As a birthmom, it was wonderful to read. Thank you very, very much.

Happy 10th to your special son. My heart goes out to you in the midst of your joy and loss. Those mixed emotions are hard to deal with - I'm glad you shared this.

[jody]

Happy b-day to Hippiekid!!!

[Michele]

AA--The kid sort of looks like you in this picture...that's so weird!

Happy b-day to your boy, and love to his two mothers.

[chris]

happy days without end to both of you! love from all of us

[we_be_toys]

Hey! thanks for dropping by and leaving a comment - I get mostly lurkers, so its special that you stopped, dropped, and wrote.
I really liked the idea of donating stuff to an animal shelter instead of presents - might just have to swipe that idea in the future.
The poem was also a really sweet idea - it made me cry to read it. I bet you're a wonderful mom - am I too old to be adopted by you?!